grief.

I want to write here today.
I am really sad, I am in fact grieving.
I have lost so many good, wonderful friends, I have lost so much. They have decided I am too much for them, too intense, too suicidal, too angry, to everything. Everything about me made them unhappy. Does that mean that I made them unhappy? I guess it does.

I am just so sad. I am sad that they are gone. I am so very very sad.
I want to find the magic words. I want to find the magic words to make them come back. I miss them so.

Why have they left me when I loved them so? I would have done ANYTHING for them.
Anything.

I asked too much of them, I realize that now.
I am broken. They are intact.
The worlds we lived in - their happy world and my unhappy one - they didn't mix well.
So they gave up on me, let me go.
Because it was time for them to let me go.
And now it is time for me to let them go.

I realize that now.
Thank you for listening.
-Eva